One week ago today I woke up not knowing my day would end in complete devastation and heartache, leaving me feeling completely shattered and empty. It started off just as every normal weekday would with getting the kids up and ready for school. Everything was fine, everything was right in the world. Three hours later mine, my husband and my kids lives would completely change forever. 38 weeks of excitement, anticipation, hopes, dreams, and pure love came to a crashing end. There are no words to describe knowing deep in your mind that something is wrong with your baby and desperately trying to wish and pray it weren’t true only to have your worst nightmare confirmed. Just the day before at my midwife appointment Turner was just fine and I listened to his heartbeat for 20 beautiful minutes. Thursday night, Turner was fine when I went to sleep, but sometime during the night while I lay asleep he passed away. I never knew such agony, heartache, and emptiness could ever be felt while here on this earth. I don’t have words to describe the feelings, thoughts and emotions I have felt.
However, I can describe this past week as soul changing for the worst and for the better. During this very difficult and trying time in our lives we have felt Heavenly Fathers tender mercies pour out upon our family. We have seen the pure love of Christ shown from dear friends, family, acquaintances and also complete strangers. We have felt our Heavenly Fathers presence and His arms completely surround us. We have seen blessing after blessing and it has been extremely overwhelming. And we have even felt the presence of our son, Turner, comfort us. Our son, our tiny beautiful and perfect son, who never even took a breathe here on this earth, has changed us forever, has had a profound impact on others, and has done more to influence the hearts of all those who know us or have met us this past week. This precious little spirit never met anyone during his short little life here on this earth, but he has changed everyone who knows his and our story forever. I can’t express how very proud I am to have been entrusted to be Turner’s mother. That Heavenly Father has entrusted me, an imperfect woman, wife and mother who falls short time and time again, to be the mother of such a special and beautiful child and spirit. The pure love I have for Turner can’t be explained. Thank you my dear beautiful, precious, sweet baby boy for choosing me to be your mom.